Rewrite the rules
I am a rules girl. Always have been.
This is what I have come to know about rules.
Rules can help keep us safe, manage, meet and exceed expectations, and clearly define what we are supposed to do.
Rules can also get in our way, blocking us from solutions, or from fully expressing ourselves. These truths lead many to believe that rules are meant to be broken.
Instead of being stuck with only the choice or following or breaking the rules, I invite you to instead question the intention of the rule and then consider rewriting it to better serve you in reaching your goals.
Now I’m not talking about traffic rules. I am talking about rules that govern our own lives, the rules we decided upon unconsciously long ago thanks to our upbringing and the society we live in. Rules such as “I am not allowed to make a mistake” or “If I don’t put myself last, I am a selfish person.”
It is easy to see how rules like these can manifest into lives spent being afraid to take action or being sentenced to always play the role of the people pleaser - making us feel unfulfilled and stuck.
When we gain some awareness and understanding of our rules and where they came from, we can then make a conscious choice to rewrite them, like this:
“I can’t make a mistake” to “My vulnerability showcases my bravery.”
“I’m selfish” to “I can take better care of others if I first take care of myself.”
Here is a great example of the power of the unwritten rule that I witnessed while coaching my client, Peggy Carter*.
Peggy was working on making changes for her health, and wanted to start running. She had the desire and the ability, but she found herself feeling very self-conscious and embarrassed while running.
Through our inside out coaching, Peggy recalled that her father long ago said, “Carters are not runners.” Peggy subconsciously followed that rule into adulthood and she realized it had been holding her back. She was ready to run, so we needed to rewrite a rule to set her free. Peggy had been inspired by someone who had recently become a runner, so her new rule became “If Kate can run, so can I.”
I am happy to report that I recently received a grateful note from Peggy sharing that she is still running almost a year later. Run Peggy! Run!
When you are ready to rewrite your rules, shift from what you think you should be to what you could become. You will then feel the power and the freedom that comes from following rules that were not inherited or handed down to you, but defined and written by you, and for you.
*Name changed to honor client confidentiality agreement.
Peggy Carter was the love of Steve Rodgers' , aka Captain America, life. Captain America is Matty’s favorite Marvel character. She loves him for his devotion to his country, his friends and to doing what he thinks is right, no matter how hard that may be. If you are interested in a conversation about rules or the awesomeness of the MCU click here to start the conversation.
