Can you hear me now?

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It is human nature to want to be heard and understood.

Yet, there have been many places and spaces in my life where I have made the choice to ignore my natural instinct to contribute my thoughts and instead listened to the whisper inside my head saying things like:

  • “Your thoughts are not additive, you will just make this meeting longer, step aside and let the real leaders speak.”

  • “They will just dismiss you again, so why bother.”

  • “You are probably wrong, if you share you will be exposed for the poser that you are.”

  • “You don’t want to rock the boat, just play your part as the peacemaker, and keep your opinions to yourself.”

  • “If they misunderstand you it will change the way people think of you. You are not prepared to deal with all that.”

Why do we do this to ourselves? Listening to the whispers of the inner critic keeps us playing small, but keeps us nice and safe. But after a while, choosing to take ourselves out of the narrative can get us stuck in an destructive loop.

When we take this route, even if it’s at our own doing, we become unheard, our potential stifled, or just plain disregarded. This leads to feeling undervalued, unloved or irrelevant. When we spend too much time with these feelings, we start to see the world around us through a lens of cynicism, anger, apathy or hopelessness. 

Conversely, if we unlock our voice, we can experience the rush that comes from self expression. When we reclaim the right to show up and share our true selves, we start to connect with our intuition, creativity and the possibilities all around us. If we want to feel seen, we need to show others who we are.

But how do we begin? When I wanted to regain my voice, I started by using the 5 Second Rule, created by Mel Robbins.  Which is:  The moment you have an instinct to act on a goal you start to countdown 5-4-3-2-1 and move at 1 before your brain stops you. 

As I often say, big movements start with small moves. Find small opportunities to start sharing more of your real self such as, sharing your POV at a crowded book club, or simply speaking up to answer the question “How was everyone’s weekend?” in a team meeting. Or perhaps you want to start speaking up against injustices you have silently permitted for too long. When your gut tells you to speak up, get ahead of the thoughts that could hold you back, start that countdown….5…4…3…2…1 and contribute your thoughts.

Momentum will be on your side here. When you speak up just once, and see that the world keeps spinning, you will be more likely to give yourself permission to share again. You will start to loosen the reigns you have on yourself and embrace the freedom of self expression. This will start to impact all parts of your life, and your contribution will impact others as well.

For the week ahead, in which scenarios will you give yourself permission to be heard?

Matty’s Grandpa Harold used to ask “Ya hear me now?” to confirm he was being understood. Way more fun than the overused, “You know what I mean?” Ping Matty if you want to share funny sayings from your relatives or your plans for self-expression in the week ahead.

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THE POWER OF THE PAUSE

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FREE TO BE ME