CONFIDENCE IN ME
All I trust I leave my heart to,
All I trust becomes my own!
I have confidence in confidence alone.
I have confidence in confidence alone!
Besides, which you see, I have confidence in me!
-Maria, Sound of Music
Confidence. The holy grail for which I have personally been searching for as long as I can remember. Whenever I am called to step outside of my comfort zone, my reflex is to immediately bet against myself. Self doubt is annoyingly habitual for me, and is a very hard habit to break.
A few years ago I got fed up with the game I had been playing with myself my whole life. The routine of knocking myself down and then building myself back up was becoming exposed for what it was: a stupid waste of my time. Maxwell Maltz once said, “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.” It became abundantly clear to me that I was the one applying the break, and I was ready to start accelerating into my life.
I have been witness to the pure power that comes with believing in yourself. I know with confidence comes courage and growth. It can move you to take the steps into the very spaces you both long for and fear. You know the ones, the big ones you dare to dream of.
I recently had a client say to me, “Can we work on helping me have more confidence in the times when I have no idea what I’m doing?” It was a more than fair request, because it’s toughest to muster up self-confidence in the moments when we are the most lost. Having confidence in confidence in these times is not enough, we need to sing “I have confidence in me!” just like Fraulein Maria as she approached the gates of the VonTrapp residence.
To get myself off my own well worn out loop of self doubt and settling for small living, I took these small steps:
Take the pressure off. I believe the trick that helped me the most, is finally understanding that all experiences have value, therefore it’s impossible to make a mistake. Adopting a mastery mindset can really set you free from the fears of failures, or not measuring up. When you embrace the concept that you are a work in progress, you gain the clarity to no longer see failures but rather experiences, lessons and growth. This leaves you excited to take yourself to the next level, because you have faith there is something powerful waiting for you there. This helps us take off the brakes, and forge ahead with curiosity and wonder instead of fear and judgement.
Understand your inner critic’s intentions, and politely say no thank you. While it often feels like your inner critic is working against you, she is in fact doing all she can to protect you. She is trying to keep you safe when she encourages you to playing small, and sprinkles seeds of self doubt all over your mind. When those messages come your way, remind yourself of their origin, and then respond with, “Thanks for looking out for me, but today I would love you to move from being my protector to my cheerleader, because I’m moving ahead.” This shift can start to change your internal traffic lights from red to green.
Consult your future self : When someone asks us, “What would you tell your younger self, knowing all you know today about life?”, a sly smile usually creeps across our faces. Because we know. We can see clearly it all works out; how all the good, bad, ups and downs twist together to bring us to who we are in the present day. So one way to find confidence is to picture our future selves in all their knowingness, success and glory, and ask “What would she do? What advice would she give me?” What I love so much about the concepts of the future self and inner mentor, which are described brilliantly by Tara Mohr in her book, Playing Big, is the notion that the guidance we seek lies right inside of our own minds, hearts and souls.
I will continue to be a work in progress, and of course still have plenty of moments that are clouded in self doubt. However, I am happy to say that I have also experienced the sweet freedom that comes from the increased faith in myself and the knowing I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I truly wish the same for each of you.
The Sound of Music and the great Julie Andrews are a few of Matty’s most favorite things. Email Matty if you’d like to weigh in on which songs from the beloved musical are the most powerful (Climb Every Mountain), most fun (Do-Ri-Mi), or both (Confidence).
