Fine Lines
“How are you?”
“I’m fine, thanks. How are you?”
“I’m fine thanks for asking.”
Fine. OK. Alright. Good enough. Managing. Hanging in there.
We all have been through times we were not alright. Seasons or days filled with disappointment, sadness, and grief that come from a great loss and heartbreak. There have also been periods consumed with anger, bitterness, and judgement. When we embody a nagging rage and defensiveness that lead us to become burnt out and exhausted.
In stressful times like these, we dream of dragging ourselves up and out of the current state. We want to get out of the valley and climb to the top of the mountain in front of us so we can just feel “ok” again.
When we get there we are able to ground ourselves and rationalize behaviors and mistakes to focus on making things come together for good. We cooperate and concede to keep things copasetic, making certain everything remains balanced and “fine.” We feel in control and safe and for a while we feel good.
However, if we spend too much time in this comfort zone we become complacent. The will and fight that carried us through the tough times, can switch into a lazy autopilot mode. We fear change, so we turn a blind eye to any new ideas, and continue to tolerate the pain and disappointment that often comes with living a life that is “good enough”. We start saying things like “ The devil we know...'' , “Who am I to want for more?” and “It could always be worse.”
When we start to get too comfortable, we tune out signals, even the tug from inside of ourselves to move our lives from fine to fantastic. It can be a safe place, but a sad one too. If so it might be time to look in the mirror and ask yourself these questions:
What is all this tolerating costing you?
What do you want, really?
What are you afraid of?
I would like to close with an excerpt of a poem written by my 15 year old daughter, Nora. When we choose to settle, we hold ourselves back from living our truth. Knowing this makes the last line of her poem haunting; but the same line fuels me with enthusiasm to unapologetically dream bigger dreams. You can too, the only thing stopping you is you.
I’m fine by Nora May
Her cold hands are banging against my glass skull
Shaking and screaming and shattering
Wanting to be free
Wanting to be known
Wanting to be heard
But I push her down
Only making her madder
I can hear her screaming the words
“I am not fine.”
They echo off the walls in my head
Beating my brain and clouding my thoughts
Till all I can hear is her
But the only words that I manage to get out are
“I’m Fine”
And I am sorry for that.
Nora’s writing skills at 15 far surpass her mother’s at that age and today. To express her feelings as a teen, Matty once turned to writing out the lyrics of a Bryan Adams ballad in a note passed to her then boyfriend. If you want to talk about the Bryan Adams You Tube rabbit hole Matty went down tonight or your big dreams, connect here.
