Power of Personal Impact: A lesson
Molly and Stacey
As we go about living our days, it can become easy to convince ourselves that we are not making a unique impact in the world. When we lump ourselves with groups based on our age, location, occupation, we feel like we are simply a dime a dozen, “basic”.
When we subscribe to that thinking, we take advantage of blending in versus stand out. We get comfortable flying under the radar, glad that no one is really noticing us.
But while you are just busy living your life, your actions and non-actions affect others, whether you like it or not. The truth is you have no idea how much you matter to someone until you learn a hard lesson like I did. I’d love to share it with you so you can benefit from my experience.
About 11 years ago my best college friends gathered in California for the wedding of our friend Jolee to her sweetheart Brandon. It was a time we were all looking forward to. However from the moment I arrived, through most of the weekend I received a severe cold shoulder from my friend Stacey. I tried many times to connect with her to see what the deal was but with no success. It was very awkward and painful. Everything started going wrong for me that weekend, culminating into an embarrassing bike wipe out on the strand (I still have the scar on my knee.)
In the last few hours of the weekend, post wipe out, I was able to melt the ice (perhaps she felt sorry for me.). Stacey shared with me that she was very hurt and disappointed because I had failed to connect with her when her dear dog Molly passed away months before.
We all knew how much that dog meant to Stacey, so when I heard the news, I called her but was sent to voicemail. I was hearing she was not always up for talking, so I called again a few days later and received voicemail again. Days went by, and life got busy, as it tends to do. So I convinced myself that Stacey, a woman with many friends, was speaking to those she needed and would be fine without hearing from me until the wedding.
So when I heard she was feeling this way I defended my actions by saying innocently, “Stace, I tried a few times, and then just figured you were getting love from your other friends.”
And she looked me straight in the eye and said, “Yes, I did get support from others. But they are not you.”
Wow.
I have never forgotten this conversation and how it made me feel. Ever. I have also passed this story on to many people, and I can never tell it without crying because it was such a powerful lesson in personal impact. I am so grateful for Stacey for teaching it to me.
Putting myself in the very big bucket with “all the people who loved Stacey” stopped me from thinking of how I brought something special to her, just by being me. I didn’t take responsibility for my own influence. Now, when I get a peek at that scar on my knee, I smile and reflect on how my actions or non-actions might be affecting others in my life, and then I change some of my behaviors for the better.
How will you choose to live today differently knowing that you make your mark on others by simply living your life?
Wipe outs can be scary, but also very funny. If you have tips for how to ask if someone is ok after a funny looking fall while holding back your laughter please send them to Matty here.
